The Day Between

Forgiveness

            So I’ve been thinking about forgiveness lately.  There seems to be plenty of opportunity to practice it in a large family.  In a family, there’s always someone hurting our feelings or some other body part, being a jerk, bringing us down, criticizing our efforts, not meeting expectations, or just being insensitive.  Sometimes it’s just real hard to forgive family members, not to mention everybody else!

            When I was a little girl and committed some transgression that required an apology, my mother would not forgive me.  She would never forget an offense and would take every opportunity to remind me of my real or imagined wrong-doing.  I wasn’t the only one she wouldn’t forgive.  Her list was long:  my dad, his mother, her mother, old friends, co-workers, neighbors, Nazis…I could understand Nazis.  But with all those folks to not forgive, she was one lonely lady…and bitter.

            Forgiveness is hard work.  There’s confronting the problem and letting it go.  When Jesus was explaining this process to the disciples in Matthew 18:15-22, Peter asked:

“Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him?  Up to seven times?”

            Sounds reasonable to me – after giving someone a chance to get stuff right, to make amends, to prove that they are truly sorry – and they blow it again, we want limits.  How much do we have to put up with anyway? We’re certainly not meant to be doormats, right?

Well, Jesus responded:

“I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.”

He’s obviously hoping we’ll lose count.

Then He tells this story:

“For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves.  When he had begun to settle them, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him.  But since he did not have the means to repay, his lord commanded him to be sold, along with his wife and children and all that he had, and repayment to be made.  So the slave fell to the ground and prostrated himself before him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you everything.’  And the lord of that slave felt compassion and released him and forgave him that debt.”

This slave owed his master a debt he could never repay, ever – kind of like our country’s deficit - uncountable.  He had no recourse but to beg for mercy.  If his master didn’t show mercy, he would lose everything – He had no other hope.  His master let it go, and he was free.

“But that slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denaraii; and he seized him and began to choke him saying, ‘Pay back what you owe.’  So his fellow slave fell to the ground and began to plead with him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you.’  But he was unwilling and went and threw him in prison until he should pay back what was owed.”

Our free and pardoned slave is very forgetful.  This man owes him, but not like he owed the master.  He was forgiven much, but he forgives nothing.

“So when his fellow slaves saw what happened, they were deeply grieved and came and reported to their lord all that had happened.  Then summoning him, his lord said to him, ‘You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me.  Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, in the same way that I had mercy on you?’  And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him.”

The master calls him wicked – having a total disregard for justice, truth, righteousness, honor or virtue.  He had received mercy, but did not show any.

“My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart” (Matthew 18:23-35).

This is a very chilling pronouncement.  There will always be someone who will sin against us, but Jesus wants us to do what He did.

He will not always strive with us, nor will He keep His anger forever.  He has not dealt with us according to our sins, nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.  For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him.  As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.  Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him.  For He Himself knows our frame; He is mindful that we are but dust (Psalm 103:9-14).

People have the capacity of hurting each other terribly – even in families.  Forgiving the culprits doesn’t mean it wasn’t wrong.  It means freedom from bitterness.

Pursue peace with all men, and the sanctification without which no one will see the Lord.  See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled; that there be no immoral or godless person like Esau, who sold his own birthright for a single meal.  For you know that even afterwards, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected for he found no place for repentance, though he sought for it with tears (Hebrews 12:14-17).

Let it go.